The TARDIS Diaries

Oooop, the homo sapiens have returned, lugging an unconscious Time Lord with them. Now they’re t—-! Now they—-! Gah! Now they’re pressing—! STOP PRESSING RANDOM BUTTONS! Just open my index and input—-! Search ‘regeneration’ and—! GOD! PUT HIM IN THE ZERO ROOM OR SOMETHING!

Aaaaand now we’ve been teleported onto the Sycorax ship. Congratuwelldone silly humans. It really irks me that lesser beings think they can just bundle me about like a… bundle. I mean, I guess I could have just overridden the teleport controls but… well, I’m just… far too lazy.

So they’ve all gone outside and its just me and Time Lordy.

And the dripping tea.

So now I’m waiting.

Waiting for the vapours.

Still waiting.

God this is the most ludicrous set of random chance.

Still waiting…

Still…
Waiting…

HE’S AWAKE!

OH GOD NO HE’S QUOTING THE LION KING. 

Humans are so small and strange. Don’t think I’ll ever understand.

So, the Doctor is currently filing under comatose, and they take him away somewhere to… I don’t know, help him? Rest him? Hopefully not eat him? Once again I’m left on my own to contemplate the great unanswered questions of the universe (like why Pluto is just a dog when Goofy walks and talks) and next thing I know there’s a giant Sycorax ship over London!

I mean… who put that there?!

New Doctor, new Doctor. Pah, seriously, I had real doubts whether I would like this new incarnation, he’s like a sack full of cats inside a bigger sack of dogs. But then, well, then he collapsed and it was kinda pathetic and sweet and… what? Look he’s not normally vulnerable. Its… I wanted to take care of him alright?

But then Rose and the other silly domestic Homo sapiens went and took him away. Damn them. I think they were trying to help though, either that or they wanted to sacrifice him to their god and eat him, but as far as I know the human race grew out of that by 2007. But I never really pay attention to the monkies.

Oh god, I hope they don’t eat him.

HE BLEEDING CRASHED ME!!

In to a bleeding WALL!

And another bleeding wall!

And a bleeding CAR!

And some bleeding dustbins!

CAN YOU TELL THAT I’M A LITTLE UPSET?!

JUST because I’m infinitely brilliant in every possible way does NOT mean he can treat me as the large lump of wood I’m disguised as! I have feelings! True, they may be somewhat distorted so’s I get a bit giggly every time I land in a forest, but feelings none the less!

SO. Things are a little screwed here. Eh… regeneration imminent. Always better to be in flight when that happens, less chance of the bugger wandering off. So away we go.

And DON’T YOU JUDGE ME FOR LEAVING JACK. You have no idea… the vortex. Him. He is so wrong. In all the very very wrong ways he can be. So very very wrong. And I’m leaving him. He’s a big boy. A big sexy, disturbingly wrong boy who can look after himself. Okay?

Jeez.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, new Doctor. He’s… he’s very much hyper active, talking about Barcelona or something? Can’t really concentrate as Rose’s face is far to funny. She looks like the universe just imploded or something. Time Lords all look the same to me, but I guess changing faces might be creepy. But still, he’s got the same psychic wave length, he’s still the same idiot.

Oh god… why did he just press that button??

What was he think– ah, ah, wait…

Oh dear… ah, ah!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!